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update on me

 [Relationship Status] - In a relationship
[Parents still together] - Yes.
[Siblings] - Mathew and Krista-Lyne
[Pets] - no

FAVORITES
[Color] - Blue
[Number] - don't have one yet
[Animal] - French Bulldog
[Book] - Anything by Ted Dekker
[Flower] - Roses

DO YOU
[Have tattoos?] - "Madeline" - knuckles, Pheonix - neck, nauticals - wrists, puzzle - inner arm, 2 swallows - upper groin.
[Cheat on tests?] - I have before, not in a long time though.
[Like roller coasters?] - I get sick offa swings! so no
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] - I wish I could live in France.
[Like cleaning?] - If there is music on
[Own a cell phone?] - Yep, Motorola XT860

CURRENT
[Current hair] - Short brown, a little bit of a comb-over.
[Currently playing] - Adele , Hiding My Heart
[Last movie you saw] - Sherlock Holmes with Matty :)
[last thing you ate] - cold cut meat
[Believe there is life on other planets?] - Not at all.
[Hate yourself?] - Not really.
[Collect anything?] - Books!
[Like your handwriting?] - If I take my time, definitely.

LOVE…
[First crush] - Too young = 6
[you believe in love at first sight?] - Not really no.
[you believe in "the one?"] - God, Neo, or my lover? But in that order, Yes, no, Yes.

ARE YOU
[Sarcastic] - My sarcasm can never be understood
[Shy] - Depends on the situation, but yes I can very much be.
[Talkative] - If I'm comfortable, then very much so.

WOULD YOU RATHER…
[Pierce your nose or belly button?] - Nose
[Be serious or funny?] - funny

ARE YOU…
[Simple or complicated?] - simple, but that can be complicated to other people.

ABOUT YOU..
[What time is it] - 9:11 pm
[Name] - Joshua David Joseph Boileau

WHAT DO YOU WANT…
[Where do you want to live] - France
[How many kids do you want] - Between 2-4
[What kind of job do you want] - Own my own cafe
[Do you want to get married] - Yep :D

UNIQUE..
[Are you double jointed] - Not really, no.
[Can you raise one eyebrow] - yes, but Fulvia is better.
[Can you cross your eyes] - Of course
[Do you make your bed daily] - Definitely not lol

CLOTHES, ETC…
[Which shoe goes on first] - Left foot.
[Ever thrown one at someone] - I think so.
[How Much money do you carry in your wallet]- I don't have a wallet.

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU…
[Bought something] - Yes
[Gotten sick] - Yes
[Sang] - Yes
[Felt stupid] - Yes
[Missed someone] - Matty <3
[Gotten drunk] - No
[Gotten high] - No.
[Danced crazy] - lol no
[Gotten your hair cut] - No
[Watched cartoons] - No
[Lied to someone] - I don't think so.

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT…
[Slept in your bed] - Matty and I <3
[Saw you cry] - Matty
[Saw a movie with you] - Matt, Sherlock Holmes :D

HAVE YOU EVER…
[Been to California] - Not yet
[Been to Europe] - nope, really want to
[Wished you were the opposite sex] - Not a preferable choice lol

HONESTLY…
1. [Honestly, what color is your underwear?] - blue
2. [Honestly, whats on your mind right now?] - my boyfriend.
3. [Honestly, what are you doing right now?] - watching Indiana Jones
4. [Honestly, do you think you are attractive?] - Sometimes
5. [Honestly, have you done something bad Today?] - not that I can think of
7. [Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?] - Yus!
8. [Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?] - Seeing my boyfriend
9. [Honestly, do you bite your nails?] - It's a gross habit, but yes.
10.[Honestly, what is your mood right now?] - II feel stomach sick right now actually :(
11.[Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?] - Matty
12.[Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?] - I don't believe I do.
13.[Honestly, do you hate someone right now?] - Yep.
15.[Honestly, do you like someone?]- I like my friends :)
16.[Honestly, does anyone like you?] - My friends like me :)

EVERYONE’S CONFESSIONS
I still watch cartoons on Saturdays - nope
I eat Froot Loops - Not in a long time
I go trick or treating. - Yep
I’ve taken a bubble bath in the last month - Yep ;)
I have water balloon fights with my friends - no just throwing them over the balcony at people
I still believe in Santa - No I do not.
Mommy’s still the coolest person ever - Of course :D
sleep till noon -Not in a long time
I still pass out little Valentines day cards on Valentines Day - haha no
The boy/girl that sits next to me is cute - :/
I still drink apple juice - Not like I used to
There are monsters in my closet. - I still check :/
I can’t sleep with the lights off - They have to be off.
I can’t sleep with the lights on. - Right.
I still like piggy back rides - not really
Boys/girls still have cooties - uhmm. 

A - AVAILABLE : No
B - BEST FRIENDS : Kelly, Fulvy, Alex
C- Cute: Matty's new cat Sebastian :)
D - DADS NAME : Marc
E - LAST PERSON OF OPPOSITE SEX YOU TALKED TO : Stephanie S.
F - FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST: City and Colour and Adele
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS : both
H - HOMETOWN : Aylmer
I - INSTRUMENT : Piano
K - KIDS : Don't have any, but want some in the future.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: Greyhound :*(
M - MILK FLAVOR : ?
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 2
O - ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF : Loyalty
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE : "I'M GONNA BASE THIS MOMENT ON WHO I AM STUCK IN A ROOM W ITH. IT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. IT IS A SERIES OF ROOMS, AND WHO WE GET STUCK IN THOSE ROOMS WITH ADDS UP TO WHAT OUR LIVES ARE..." this is a direct quote from a girl in the show House who was raped, and she and Gregory House are trying to deal with each others life issues. such a good episode.
R - REASON TO SMILE : Matthew Smith <3
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : Body in a Box - City and Colour
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 10am
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME : don't wear clothes when taking a dump :/
W - WORST HABITS : smoking, biting my nails

****Everyone has their firsts…****

First real best friend: byanka
First Cellphone: motorola L6
First piercing/tattoo: Lip piercing, nautical tattooes
First flight: Haven't been.

****Everyone has their lasts…****

Last person you hugged: Matty
Last time you cried : Last night.. :(
Last thing you touched : The keyboard I am typing on
Last time at the mall: Yesterday, Rideau centre
Last person you saw: Mitch
Last thing you drank: Hot Chocolate
Last time you have been truly happy: Every time I look into my boyfriend's eyes :D!

Loneliness

It's not when you are at home, no one around, that you are alone.
It's not when your friends have deserted you, that you are alone.
It's not if you think you are alone, that you are alone.
It's kind of like homelessness, but just in the mind.

Loneliness is when you are surrounded by friends, family, (love), partner/boyfriend/girlfriend, kids, co-workers, etc. and there is still a corrosion within your mind that never stops.
Loneliness is the fake smiles that you place, even though your heart is pounding for the real thing...and has never felt it.
Loneliness is the yearning we all feel from time to time. A simple, but faint, pounding from the pits of our beings that reminds us each morning and each night -- we are alone.

I have put faith into a higher power to reduce that faint pounding; the iniquities and sins that plague our minds and our hearts is devouring our souls...and if we let it, will take the last bit of hope we have left.


When I am at home, and no one is around....
When my friends have deserted me, and I think I'm alone...
When I feel helpless and alone...

I fight this corrosion that has taken a place inside of me.
I feed this yearning that relieves that simple pounding at the pit of my stomach.
So now that for each morning I wake up,
And for every night I go to bed,
I know that everything will be ok.

Back and Forth

It just really fucking hurts man! To look back and realize that the regrets are not of things said, but of those things unsaid. What I would do to go back and say all of it.....ANYTHING.

Homopolis

Sooooooooooo, where do I start? Maybe I should start by saying that I can't stand most homosexuals. I didn't think that entering into a gay scene that I would be so disgusted by the very people that are prideful about the same thing as me. And this isn't just being proud of having a nice car, or nice house, or nice anything. This is what I am. Mind you, is not who I am (but that's a different topic of discussion). 

I went out for my first time to a gay bar about 2 years ago. I didn't think it would be so bad. And it wasn't, back then. I was naive to what was going on around me and to be honest I didn't know anyone. The homos around me seemed to be quite "free" with their sexuality and this was very enticing. I wanted to be free just like them. 

2 years later and I am living in gay central. Bank and Lisgar, I even have the area's sex shops within a block of my home, and there are two bath houses with a couple blocks and two of the four gay bars within a few blocks as well. Best thing that could have happened to me.....? Wrong!

I became quite indulged in the lifestyle and enjoyed myself very much. It came to be every night that I was out partying with the best fags a friend could have. But there was something wracking at the back of mind, something that kept pulling me away as much as I was pushing towards it. 

Who knows how it happened, but day after day I learned of new and interesting things that were going on within this so-called happy happy, honk if your gay (all puns intended), kinda world. I saw things that I should never have seen, but I'm an avid believer in things happening for a reason. And I'm glad I learned these things. There is no need to get into specifics, but I will say I will never be proud of who I am the same way I was before...and definitely not in the same way as other fags.

I am truly and utterly disgusted by the amount of drugs and sex in the gay world. Enough is enough. I have had enough.


 (Listening to Coming Home - Dallas Green)

I can tell you this...Love is not a feeling, it is a choice.

One fight, 2 fight, three fight floor...that was pretty much how I knew how to show my love to my father. There was no better way to say "I Love You" than with a "FUCK YOU" or an "I Hate You". Because everyone knows without passion, one could care less about a person. But where did I learn how to seperate hate from love, and to live not by feelings; to learn how to separate from my emotion, and doing my best not to numb myself completely.

My second mom Tina educated me on this. I owe her quite a bit, because without this knowledge I would still be living off my emotions. 

Love is a choice, that's it that's all. Some people with children may not believe this, simply because this is a ludicrous belief right? Not really though. Try to remember the days that you just want to strangle your loved one, whether it is your kid, your spouse, or your best friend. How did you feel at that moment, when you were completely filled with anger. How did you feel? Pretty damn mad right...

At the moment of complete aggravation and/or anger...where does that feeling of "love" go? Or has it went anywhere because love isn't a feeling...it is something completely different? Is love something that we can't even describe but have chosen to label it because as human beings that is what we do. We give labels to what we can't comprehend, simply because it's easier that way. So given that information, how do you feel about love now? Is it a little more clear in your mind?

Love is not a feeling. We choose to love, which is so much more powerful. 

I unno what to do...

   So my mother recently called me a fucking faggot...a bastard, and I am dead to her..and for all she is concerned she has 2 children and not 3. What do I say to this?

r u afrd of the drk?

 

 

 

 

 

 

afrd?

 

 

 

                                                              THERE IS A WORLD AROUNDYOU THAT YOU HAVE TRAINED YOURSELF NOT TO SEE.    CALL    IT PARANORMAL, SUPERNATURAL, OCCULT, WHATEVER. BUT 
INSIDE ALL OF US IS AN UNCONTROLLABLE FEAR OF THE DARK. KIDS ARE TOLD IT'S IRRATIONAL,  BUT IT'S NOT. FEAR IS WHAT PROTECTS YOU...FROM THE THINGS YOU DON'T BELIEVE    IN...JUST BECAUSE YOU CAN'T   SEE   SOMETHING, DOESN'T MEAN IT CAN'T KILL YOU.

 












D E G R A D A T I O N

Discreet
Exploitation
of
General
Respects
And
Denial
After
The
Intentional
Original
Notion


    To be more specific this journal entry is specifically aimed towards sexual degradation. I personally believe that sex should be a sacred act of union between two people acted in a sacred place that these two people have chosen. But obviously certain aspects of sex have been skewed along the many years. But I don't want to talk about the past. I want to talk about today, even though today is a product of yesterday people don't seem to understand that making changes starts today. Understanding starts with learning/educating yourself about yesterday, and if you do not understand how sex has become tainted, then go read a book.
    Me and a prominent figure in my life (Fulvia) were talking about sexual degradation as we drove for reckless amounts of hours around the small town of Aylmer. PDA was a major topic in our conversation. We both concluded that the PDA should having regulations to which everyone can follow. It is a matter of respect people! Like my good friend would say, "A peck on the cheek or lips once in a while is ok. But why do people have to flaunt it? Why do people have to make out in public?"
    Do people not realize that the immediate public are out on the town to shop? Do people not have the decency or respect to keep your tongues in your mouth? I would not do it, why should you? And I would not do it, not because I have issues with expressing my love, but because I know when to show it. There is a time and place for everything people. Learn to control yourselves considering the audience that you have..children being the one major priority to keep innocent-minded.
    Thank you.

Katie McKenney <3

    "I don't wannnnnnnaaaa gooooo!"....These are the only words I remember from my first day of school, 5 years old. My uncle Claude had to drive me to school and carry me to the front door where Mr. Marlo took me into his arms like a baby and brought me into the school. That man is the scariest man on the this earth, or so I thought at such a tender age. He had a twirly mustache that extended the end of each side of his face.  In all sense of the word he was terrifying! I found out later in life that he was a military stg. in the military in authority over my dad.
    Needless to say my first few days of school were hell. I hated it. And I just wanted to get the hell outta there. But one person made me feel complete comfort. Katie Mckenney. We used to share our food all the time at lunch, and made fun of the lunch ladies...damn were they ever ugly. We worked on all projects together and were nearly inseparable. I would invite her to my house all the time, but she politely declined each time. And I was not aloud to her house, to which I was never told but I have my assumptions. 
    The school dances were awesome back in elementary school. We would run around and play tag, just like we would in the school playground. But in this case we would instigate situations. Play with the fog machine, or turn on all the lights when no one was looking. Dancing at a school dance was just NOT cool to us. We found that dating was gross and not for us. But we were like a couple either way. Just without the excessive hand-holding and the shy and awkward kisses where entire school would be watching. Nope, me and Katie were more than that. We were there for one another and would not separate.
    I still remember the day that Katie stood at the front of the class and Mrs. Donland (with the blond hair) announced that Katie was to be leaving St.Marks and attending Aylmer Elementary....our rival school across the street. I couldn't believe it, and I didn't want to loose my best friend. I begged and begged my parents to let me go to that school. Making up reasons to why St.Marks was a bad school and why Aylmer Elementary was a better school. I can't remember any other excuses I made up but I do remember it worked.
    We both attended Aylmer Elementary the following year ensemble. But things seemed to change...dramatically. We were good for half of the first year in the new school, but I met new friends and started to hang out with more people. Katie on the other hand didn't really interact with many other people. One girl Cassandra I aloud into our duo to make a trio, so that Katie wouldn't feel alone when I hung out with other people. This put a wedge between us. I have always been a social butterfly, but I didn't hang out with the assholes...you know who you are!
    Eventually I was hanging with with Shane (future cousin) and Corey (kinda future bro). I lost Katie at that point. She was hanging out with Cassandra all the time and a girl named Alysha (who dated Corey and who I still hear about all the time). So I began to see Katie just by seeing her at the other end of the playground....with other people, other friends. To this day this have been my only regret. This is the one person in my life I feel responsible for because I could have helped her, saved her.
    Katie used to talk to me about her family of many siblings, of her mom who she loved/hated, and her dad who she loathed/detested/grossed out by/hated/etc. Words can not describe how much Katie did not want this man in her life...and I never knew the real reason as to why. I asked, she did not tell. I remember Katie telling me her dad had only one leg and she wanted to "cut the other one off". This was very morbid to my ears, and I couldn't believe such words were coming out of her mouth. She was an adorable young girl with jet black hair and the cutest freckles and so full of life and energy. But I had lost her, because I left her to other people and lost our friendship forever.
    The day I graduated from grade 6 (last year in an elementary school in quebec) was the last time I saw Katie. I used to search for her everywhere. I had forgotten her home phone number and didn't know any relatives. I be honest, I guess I never really knew Katie other than on the school playground and in class.
    Years passed and my life complicated itself. I went through many turmoils and met many people. But I never forgot about Kaite McKenney. My heart burned for her. I wanted to see her, but I never knew how to get in contact with her. Till one day my aching heart ached all the more. I remember this day perfectly. I was walking up from where Moca Loca with Ashley Carmichael and we were chatting up randomness. Untill I named a name that turned my life upside down. I named Katie McKenney. It just happened that Ashley knew Katie and had just attended her funeral the week past. I feel so deep that moment, I couldn't help myself. I kept my composure with Ashley because I don't show my emotions that well. But the second I got home I cried for hours. 
    I found out that Katie had been molested for years by her dad. Who knows how many other of the siblings were molested. I don't really want to know. Because I will kill the son-of-a-bitch if I find him! Katie had testified against him and he went to prison for a period of time. But then he was let out on parole, and this is what sparked Katie's acts against herself. I don't know if I have the story correct but she went to her old house and hung herself on a tree in the yard. Someone found her and cut her down. She was alive and in the hospital. But a lot of damage was done and she was in a coma. Three days later Katie passes away.  A few years later her older sister also committedsuicide. I don't presume to understand her situation, because I didn't live her life. But I do wish I could have been there for her. I wish I could have been the man she can lean on and count on. But I left her back in elementary school. I should have been there for her. But I wasn't.
    Needless to say I wish against this form of self-destruction. I do not wish suicide on anyone, and please people think before you act. Suicide has taken the lives of many people around me. I believe that there is always someone there to talk to. Even if it is a stranger, talk to him/her. Or write on here. I'll talk to you :D

Tickle Me Pink - Madeline is the song I am dedicating to Katie McKenney. I love you Katie and I will never forget you. You were a major part in my life, and you inspired me to become a social worker. I honestly believe that I have been blessed on this earth and therefore in your name I will bless other peoples lives. I miss you and I wish you were still here. <3

Me

[Relationship Status] - Single
[Parents still together] - Yes.
[Siblings] - Brother (Mathew), Sister (Krista)
[Pets] - Dog (Molly), Cooke  (still in my heart :D)

FAVORITES
[Color] - Green
[Number] - don't have one but if i was to choose probably 11 (Kris lol)
[Animal] - Wolf
[Book] - Circle Trilogy by Ted Dekker or Stonewall
[Flower] - don't have a favorite, all flowers are gorgeous

DO YOU
[Have tattoos?] - A green and black nautical star on each wrist :D (soon to fill my whole body up)
[Cheat on tests?] - Definitely
[Like roller coasters?] - I get sick offa swings! so no
[Wish you could live somewhere else?] - Cuba!
[Like cleaning?] - If there is musix on
[Own a cell phone?] - I hate cell phone companies, ROGERS = assholes = ruined cell phones for me

CURRENT
[Current hair] - Dark brown with a red tint, i need to redye it, and Kelly is gonna cut it soon :D
[Currently playing] - I wish I was listening to I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
[Last movie you saw] - A Teacher's Crime (i'm pretty sure it was set in Ottawa cuz the kid is always at the Museum of war)
[last thing you ate] - An orange jelly jean :D
[Believe there is life on other planets?] - prolly not, but i haven't been to different planets so i wouldn't know
[Hate yourself?] - never, except when i trip and fall on my face then yes, but only in that moment then i laugh and keep walking lol
[Collect anything?] - old pennies, books, teddy bears, posters, old frames (my mom instilled into me to KEEP EVERYTHING
[Like your handwriting?] - when i take the time to handwrite yes, but usually i just scribble down, and that's ugly

LOVE…
[First crush] - umm, no i was 5-6...i got what i wanted and didn't need anything else
[you believe in love at first sight?] - it depends, Kat Von D yes, american apparel poster boiz yes, a first date NO
[you believe in "the one?"] - Neo! of course, but are we in the fucking matrix? common!

ARE YOU
[Sarcastic] - All the fucking tiiime! fuuck!
[Shy] - when meeting ppl for the first time, as in a date YES. the pope, prolly, OPRAH i would faint, burt reynolds i would scream, VIN DIESEL i would cream my pants....i unno. it really depends on who im meeting for the first time.
[Talkative] - Depends on who im talking to...sm1 i dislike then no, my best friend WELL YEAH

WOULD YOU RATHER…
[Pierce your nose or belly button?] - eww neither!
[Be serious or funny?] - funny

ARE YOU…
[Simple or complicated?] - complicated

ABOUT YOU..
[What time is it] - 1:13pm
[Name] - Joshua David Joseph Boileau

WHAT DO YOU WANT…
[Where do you want to live] - Cuba
[How many kids do you want] - over 4 under 10
[What kind of job do you want] - Social worker :D
[Do you want to get married] - I was just talking with Danny about this last nite. In a cathedral in england :D

UNIQUE..
[Are you double jointed] - i used to be. i think i cracked my body too many times and now im all stiff :S
[Can you raise one eyebrow] - yes, but Fulvia is even better.
[Can you cross your eyes] - nope, i don't know what happened. i got my bridge pierced for 3 years took it out now only one eye will cross and not the other.
[Do you make your bed daily] - Never.

CLOTHES, ETC…
[Which shoe goes on first] - which ever one i pick up first ?
[Ever thrown one at someone] - yes mom, dad, mathew, kris, byanka, kelly, flo, skye, teachers, counselors...wow i never realized how much i like throwing shoes at ppl lol
[How Much money do you carry in your wallet]- how ever much a wallet can hold, and however much $$ i have to begin with

IN THE PAST 24 HOURS HAVE YOU…
[Bought something] - nope
[Gotten sick] - nope
[Sang] - yep I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
[Felt stupid] - yep
[Missed someone] - YES :( and you know who you are! Hans...
[Gotten drunk] - nope
[Gotten high] - nope
[Danced crazy] -nope
[Gotten your hair cut] - nope
[Watched cartoons] - nope
[Lied to someone] - yep, and he got really mad at me :(

IN THE LAST FEW DAYS WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON THAT…
[Slept in your bed] - me
[Saw you cry] - carla, cuz Hans wasn't there. all i wanted was to sit and have tea :(
[Saw a movie with you] - tina

HAVE YOU EVER…
[Been to California] - nope, never want to
[Been to Europe] - nope, really want to
[Wished you were the opposite sex] - ew no

HONESTLY…
1. [Honestly, what color is your underwear?] - blue, yellow, white and black :S lol sooo random
2. [Honestly, whats on your mind right now?] - Tune UP advertisement lol and how much i need a shower
3. [Honestly, what are you doing right now?] - writing up on this OBVS!
4. [Honestly, do you think you are attractive?] - nope
5. [Honestly, have you done something bad Today?] - if i was an emo kida i woulda said "wake up", but no i haven't lol
7. [Honestly, are you jealous of someone right now?] - oh yes! but he doesn't know
8. [Honestly, what makes you happy most of the time?] - getting outta the cold and into the warmth
9. [Honestly, do you bite your nails?] - oO .....NOOOO! .... yes..:(
10.[Honestly, what is your mood right now?] - my sleeve keeps pissing me off cuz it keeps pulling up near the keyboard and i have to push it back down and it's really really frustrating me
11.[Honestly, who do you want to see at this very moment?] - HANS :D
12.[Honestly, do you have a deep dark secret?] - definitely, but certain ppl know about it
13.[Honestly, do you hate someone right now?] - um yes/no possible, maybe. i unno.
15.[Honestly, do you like someone?]- yes but he doesn't know it, and i'm currently talking to another guy he's nice :D
16.[Honestly, does anyone like you?] - yes they "other" guy im talking to. but i want the guy i like to open his fucking eyes!

EVERYONE’S CONFESSIONS
I still watch cartoons on Saturdays - I really wish One Saturday Morning would still play :D
I eat Froot Loops - been a while
I go trick or treating. - Skye and me took her son Landon for his first Halloween :D
I’ve taken a bubble bath in the last month - definitely all the time :D
I have water balloon fights with my friends - in the summer obvs
I still believe in Santa - i culd kill coca cola for deceiving young children into the belief of anything other than saint nick.
Mommy’s still the coolest person ever - nope
sleep till noon - later than
I still pass out little Valentines day cards on Valentines Day - umm, no
The boy/girl that sits next to me is cute - it's tina, and she is like a mom to me. but she is cute when she sleeps lol
I still drink apple juice. - i was born into an apple juice/milk world...i still down all that is available at home :D
There are monsters in my closet. - i still check behind the curtain before going to bed, and close all the blinds..believe me they're there!
I can’t sleep with the lights off - all the lights HAVE to be off, no sounds, no musix, no breeze, NOTHING. it's kinda like my last chance at being alone with my thoughts cuz i refuse to deal with them during the day...
I can’t sleep with the lights on. - if im really tired and on a random park bench and it's really relaly bright yeah i could.
I still like piggy back rides - i give em.
Boys/girls still have cooties - well yeah! i mean have you heard of herpies, genital warts, syphilis, gonorrhea, etc!

A - AVAILABLE : possibly maybe
B - BEST FRIENDS : byanka, kelly, flo, jessie and luis....im still waiting for skye to come back :D
C- Cute: who? the dog next to me is cute, the homer santa in a box is cute...SPECIFY!
D - DADS NAME : Marc
E - LAST PERSON OF OPPOSITE SEX YOU TALKED TO : Tina
F - FAVORITE BAND/ARTIST: Atreyu and The Beatles
G - GUMMY BEARS OR WORMS : both
H - HOMETOWN : Aylmer
I - INSTRUMENT : Piano
K - KIDS : honestly, this is not specific enough..but if this is questioning if i want kids then yes! obvs.
L - LONGEST CAR RIDE: does greyhound count? cuz i was on one for 4 days to B.C. then back home 4 day ! it was intense!
M - MILK FLAVOR : ...?
N - NUMBER OF SIBLINGS : 2
O - ONE THING YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF : my love for ppl :D
Q - FAVORITE QUOTE : i actually had to go get my sweater cuz it's permanently written on the back of it... "I'M GONNA BASE THIS MOMENT ON WHO I AM STUCK IN A ROOM W ITH. IT IS WHAT LIFE IS ALL ABOUT. IT IS A SERIES OF ROOMS, AND WHO WE GET STUCK IN THOSE ROOMS WITH ADDS UP TO WHAT OUR LIVES ARE..." this is a direct quote from a gurl in the show House who was raped, and she and Gregory House are trying to deal with each others life issues. such a good episode.
R - REASON TO SMILE : I'm inside, and I'm going to take a shower soon :D
S - SONG YOU LAST HEARD : I'm Yours - Jason Mraz
T - TIME YOU WOKE UP : 12:23pm
U - UNKNOWN FACT ABOUT ME : it's really embarrassing, but I do not wear clothes when I take a shit.....this is a big secret! lol
W - WORST HABITS : smoking, biting my nails

****Everyone has their firsts…****

First real best friend: byanka
First Cellphone: motorola L6
First piercing/tattoo: lip, and got kicked out for it. my 2 nauticals my mom just laughed when i was itchy as hell.
First flight: never had to fight. does family count?

****Everyone has their lasts…****

Last person you hugged: hans :(
Last time you cried : in gat...not specifying who or why...
Last thing you touched : this keyboard to write this
Last time at the mall: yesterday in gat
Last person you saw: tina, hans....
Last thing you drank: chocolate milk!
Last time you have been truly happy: i don't know...drinking tea with mr....you know who you are.